Why am I different?
I am an old soul. Have you ever known a person who is an old soul? I first read an article about old soul when I was browsing my facebook newsfeed and saw a post from Psychology page. It features the characteristics and traits of a person who is an old soul and it says there that sometimes, people are often not aware they are one. I read the article and come up with a question, am I one of them? Because some descriptions really fits me well so I started wondering and think of other instances when my old soul self is at work.
First of all, one characteristic which made me sure I am one is that, I feel old despite of me being only 22, (now 23). My outlook in life really differs from that of my age and to those who are even older than me. My maturity is somewhat unique even at a very young age. I am always ahead and thinks maturely than the rest of my peers, I am always being called as "Ate" by those who are way older than me. I am always being looked for when someone is in distress and being always asked for some advices. One thing as well is that, I really can't relate to my peers and to the generation I am in. I have friends who are way way older than me and they are whom I am comfortable to be with. Those things may just be some instances and happened by chances but I think, me feeling old is the simplest explanation.
I am a silent type of person. They said they can barely hear me talk but I think they miss one fact about me. I am a keen observer and even though I barely talk, I always have an opinion going on in my mind and I just simply think before I speak. I am always observing people, especially those I haven't knew yet. I analyze their actions, choice of words, way of talking, postures, gestures and even the way they describe others. I often classify people whom I met as (1) they have something to say and (2) doesn't have something to say. I always base my response to people based on what I observed from them and one thing I've come up with, better not to talk if you don't have anything good to say. Because some people are just senseless, they just talk and talk but there's actually nothing good about what they say. The size of their brain is manifested in their words and it's not really hard to know the moment they start talking. Just saying.. So when I encounter those kind of people, I just stay silent and quiet and just let them talk. I would nod occasionally but I wouldn't say any word until I classify what type of a person they are based on what I observed from them. And I just usually keep it in my thoughts.
I am a doer and a proactive. When you've met a person who has a high sense of initiative. I am the epitome of them. I always anticipate and sensitive enough to do things even if I'm not told to do. I can do things without you knowing I've done it. I would do the extra mile just to add worth to something you wouldn't even dare to do because it's just a waste of time but actually worth it. The little things are the ones important to me, those we failed to notice but adds up value to a something great you haven't thought before. I make life easier for others whom I value so much, my family and those I am closest to. The ones who knows my worth and existence. I like to do things I would feel a sense of pride and honor even if it means nothing to others. My need for fulfillment and productivity is always high so I always find something to do which would give me the benefits of spending my precious time doing something worthwhile.
I care and love deeply. If you see me having a poker face and a flat face, apathetic expression, it doesn't mean I'm not affected at all. I am good at concealing my emotions. I am the one who can't be read easily. I may act carefree, calm, great when there's actually a great turmoil going on inside me. When faced to different situations, I don't panic at all. I just stay quiet and think, having a mental debate or thinking it through. In terms of people, I may not show them how I really feel, I will act like it doesn't hurt, it doesn't affect me that much but in truth, I am broken hearted more than you can imagine. I may treat you fairly even if you means so much to me. I just hide my emotion and conceals it, that way I won't be regarded as weak, and that's what I consider as my strength. No showing of emotions! I also like to let go things I have no control of or there are things that I prefer being unsaid and unsettled, not because I don't have the courage or I am a coward and don't know how to speak for myself, but because confronting it wouldn't do any better and would just worsen the situation so I just choose to let go.
I write everything down. If you have heard of the saying "a pen and a paper is sharper than your mind" well, I live by that principle. I often keep a notebook with me, usually I have three notebooks. One is a planner/diary, the second is my journal and the third is a small one, pocketsized which I always carry. My planner/diary is where I record my day to day experience, every detail of what happened with my day, whether good or bad, it is also where I put all the important things that we tend to forget like accounts and passwords, schedules, appointments, menstrual cycle, financial records, expenses and savings, contacts and addresses. My journal notebook is where I put my write ups and articles like poems and inspirationals, real time emotions, goals and ambitions, realizations and struggles about life, spiritual sermons and anything that would reflect my thoughts and emotions. The third one, the small notebook is where I write the important helpful details that would make me remember something, to do lists, things to buy and some reminders.
I have contrasting personalities. Some would see me as a shy, demure, religious, conservative old fashioned kind of girl and some would see me as bold, outgoing, daring and liberated woman. I can't blame them though because I have this unique ability to convince someone on what I want them to perceive me. I call myself as a "Pretentious" or " mapagpanggap" because I often lead people to believe on a kind of person I want them to see me. I am good in that skill and only few people knows who I really am. I am only comfortable in showing and admitting both personalities to people who knows who I really am and to those who can understand me better, those who are also pretentious like me.
I am an outdoor person. Adventure is my thing and I belong in the mountains and seas. Mountaineering, island exploring, travelling, extreme sports and adrenaline-pumping activities are what keep my blood running. Name all of those thrilling outdoor activities and those are what I love the most! From trekking, island hopping, cave exploring, mountain climbing, waterfalls chasing, motorcycle riding, extreme sports and a lot more. I've been regarded as the "Daphne the Dora" by my family for I always find time and have the energy for wanderings and explorations. Unfortunately, my series of wanderlust and adventure is on hold because I am now stuck in my job that requires me to be a full-time private nurse, so literally, I don't have time for anything now except doing my job. Sad but I know, I'd be able to continue being me after all of these stuffs im having right now.
These are only some of the things that people are worth knowing about me, a set of trait that I've known for myself. I know people would see me differently, they would have a different opinion of me and it's everyone's right of what they want to think of others. But at least, these are some of the things that would explain my behaviors and can be a way for people to get to know me better and relate with me. How about you? Tell me something about yourself too..
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