Journey on Quarterlife: A Major Turning Point

When you look at the mirror, what do you see? Your face seemed to reflect it all; your struggles, fears, accomplishments, feelings, desires and ambitions. The person you are today, the end result of those years behind you, the time passed since you were born. And looking at yourself now, what have you become? Are you looking at the person you were meant to be, the person you envisioned yourself to be, or the person you never thought you would be? What has life given you? Where has it taken you, and where is it leading you? 

If you are 20something and trying to get hold of your life but seems like everything is falling, you must be able to relate with my sentiments. 

The Beginning of Crisis 

It was last year when I got confused with what I wanted to do with my life (I still am) and felt like I needed to do something but couldn't seem to find direction. My night and days were consumed by planning on what should I do with my life. I just became single again (It’s been a year) I'm dissatisfied with my job (What does it take to be a home care nurse in UAE), and I've got nothing to look forward to. The more I think of it, the more I realized that there's no better way out and I'm STUCK. I seemed to have it worse, a failed relationship, a terrible job, with no family and loved ones around to look out and care for me. I was alone and no one seemed to care (Feeling of Loneliness). In short, I'm not happy on where I lead my life to (The meaning of life). The more I think of it, the more I pull myself into a deep sadness. 

I hated my job and all I wanted to do is to stop and give up, go home and suck it all out. I was so full of frustrations and disappointment. I lost all my enthusiasm as I've come to realize that I will still be in the same place with the same job, same predicament for a year or more. And even after that, I can't see a better foresight of my future. I wanted change yet I can't seem to know how to figure it out. I have no direction and definite plan and I felt like I was running out of time. I was full of remorse, blaming myself for the impulsive decisions I made that lead me to be like this. The feeling stayed with me for a few months and life inconsistencies triggered it more. 

By the end of the year, I was at my lowest. I never expected that my year would end up like that, that my once content and hopeful state suddenly changed in just a snap. There were days that seemed to be tolerable, that I was still able to function. But mostly, even getting up in the morning was a great struggle. 

What is Quarter life crisis 

The ever reliable Wikipedia said, The quarter-life crisis is a period of life ranging from twenties to thirties, in which a person begins to feel doubtful about their own lives, brought on by the stress of becoming an adult. 

Common symptoms often includes feelings of being "lost, scared, lonely or confused" about what steps to take in order to transition properly into adulthood. Studies have shown that unemployment and choosing a career path is a major cause for young persons to undergo stress or anxiety. 

In urban dictionary is says, It's an age where a lot people start developing a more realistic outlook in life and start feeling that if they haven't accomplished certain things in life they thought they would by then that they may never (Even though this isn't true and they still have a long time to attain their goals and dreams). 

P.S. Sorry I'm lazy to get a more reliable source and an in-depth definition ✌🏻️😊

It is Real 

Does it sounds familiar? Well, welcome to the club! If you feel it, then maybe you unconsciously have it. I know most of my peers can relate to that and I am not alone. They said it's "Perfectly Normal" and people come out at the other end in a better mental state. This is a phase that everyone has to go through, maybe our parents have gone through the same. I also know some people who has it even at a later time in their early 30s, those so-called "late bloomers". However, though how usual it is to happen, this period of limbo can still result in a lot of pain and confusion. 

We can't stop it from happening, if it's bound to happen then all we have to do is deal with it and pray that hopefully, we can come out of it alive and still kicking.

Serious Truths about it 

While having it, I've come to realize and learned some undeniable serious truths that we have to accept in order to get ourselves in line with the life we want. Some people might not also able to fully understand so here are some truths about it that might give a picture on what it's like to have it. 

This is life people, we are grown ups!

That period when all we have to do is sit back and relax, study, and ask for allowances from our parents is really over. We may have past that realization already after college graduation a few years ago (What is life after graduation). Those things that we have to get a living, we have to earn our own money for our needs and wants, we have to finance ourselves and manage our own resources. 

Those days when we don't really care much about our future is finally over and this is a big turning point of our life. In short, we really need to act like grown ups now, perform those 'adulting' tasks, and be responsible on our own life (which totally sucks!) 

It is a big deal.

Coming to a conclusion after evaluating our life, the goals we envisioned before doesn't seem to reflect in our lives today. (Here comes the panic mode) What have happened? Why aren't we in life we are supposed to be right now? What have we done all these years? 

These are just some of the few things we might find ourselves asking.  The path you've chosen didn't go well the way you wanted it, you didn't finish your degree, you got stuck on a job you hate, you got married at an early age, you wanted a change and so you ask yourself WHAT NOW and WHAT'S NEXT? 

For me, this phase isn't just to prove that we can do on our own, we've past that. This is something bigger because everything we do today will reflect on our future, if we are going to be where we really want to be or we may never get there. Our decisions and choices will determine our success or failure in our chosen fields and endeavors. 

It requires patience. 

There is nothing more frustrating than thinking of the things you might have done and should be start doing right now but you can't because you're not sure of it. That is the hardship of piloting our own life on where we want it to go, on what path should we choose in order to reach our dreams and what aspects in life we should sacrifice for the sake of those things. 

This phase of indecisiveness and confusion, feeling of being lost will stay for a few months or years. It is our life and what we really want to do with it that we are talking about and so we have to be patient on ourselves in making those major decisions. 

So I‘d say, dont be too hard on yourself. Dont overthink (but it’s hard not to think about it) because you might actually do something impulsive that can make it worse. Feel it deep inside on what your gut says. Use the lessons we have earned over the years and make it a guide in making decisions. 

No one will do it for you. 

As much as we don't want to accept it, we are ALONE in this. This is not something your parents, your partner or anyone would be able to do for you. They may advise you and support you on life choices but the decisions will be solely on us. The major decisions that you have to do that will have a big impact in your future and might determine your success and your failure. Decisions such as getting a degree, resigning from jobs, changing careers, going abroad, getting married and pursuing passions. 

Only you has the power to act on it because you will be the one to reap all the consequences. It is the time that you need to fully exercise your potential and decision making capabilities and that's what will make you confuse, unsure of and lost (for sure).

There's no going back.

It is moving forward or get stuck. It's time to stop wondering and thinking of the things that you could have done and could have changed given the chances you had. Regretting and going back to the past won't change anything. All you can do right now is act and do those "could have's" and "what if's" so you won't have to wonder anymore and have regrets in the future. There's no perfect timing but now and waiting any longer is just delaying the inevitable. Or worse, get stuck on a career, on a relationship, on the same status, same place we no longer find fulfillment and contentment and live a lifelong of frustrations and disappointments.

Wew! Extreme right? 

Well, quarterlife isn't easy to deal with. As Coldplay puts it, "Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard". You may find yourself get beaten, drained and depressed again and again, wondering where are you in life right now or what could happen to you in the future. Sure thing it will pass, the feeling is temporary but the acts we do during this time will greatly affect our well-being and might even cost us our future. Thus, it is crucial that we make it and deal with it accordingly. There are things that can help us, and it would depend on us if we are going to shorten or lengthen this phase, lose or win in this struggle. 

So, for all of those who are also having a quarter-life crisis, hold on and keep going. May we find our paths soon and may we reach all our goals. 

Good luck and cheers to all of us!

For some practical ways on dealing with it, see my next blog: Journey on Quarterlife: Practical ways on dealing with it