Could Have Been

It was my off from work, I was at home and just swiping through my facebook feed when I came up with a photo. It looks familiar and I had to take a second look to make sure I am not mistaken, “Is it really him?” I asked myself. “Wow! He is with someone now and its for real.” Shocked and in disbelief, I felt of a pang of pain rushed through me, it's been a few years now now but seeing him again and remembering the memories, all the pain came resurfacing again. 

It may be the effect of boredom, frustration and exhaustion brought about by this Covid-19 pandemic that made me feel like this; emotional, overly-sensitive and nostalgic. Or being single for a long time now is taking its toll. But damn, that pic really got into my nerves and triggered something, it still stings you know. After all these years, it made me realize that I still carry that pain. That deep inside me I was still hoping, that maybe someday somehow we still have a chance together.

I should be genuinely happy that after everything he has been through, he found someone else as what I wished for him. But truth is, all I feel is frustration, jealousy maybe. Damn it but I could have given him everything, we could have worked it out and got it through together. It’s cliche but you know it could have been me, it could have been us right now. I’ve endured so much with him and after everything, it’s all for nothing. 


I know I sound pathetic and bitter right now, but hey im just being completely honest with myself. These days are tough and i just hope these feelings are over soon :(

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